My Sex Life, Oreo Cookies and Hot Flashes

bald guy head on fireFor those of you that don’t know me, I’m 6’ tall, have long wavy brown hair, I’m known around town as “that cool guy” and can usually be found in the presence of a beautiful blond.
For those of you who do know me, you know that’s a lie! I’m 5’7”, bald, suffering with hot flashes and the blond I’m usually seen with is my neighbor’s golden retriever, Sidney – who is in love with my right leg and deems it necessary to demonstrate the depth of his devotion to my right leg every time he sees me.

Aside from Sidney’s amorous advances, being 5’ 7”, periodically perspiring for no apparent reason and being bald tends to preclude me from the “babe magnet” status I think I might enjoy. There isn’t much I can do about my height and the hot flashes will hopefully “burn” themselves out. However, I do have a choice when it comes to being bald – Propecia. Back in the late 1990’s Propecia was a new drug being prescribed for male pattern baldness. But there were possible side effects listed in the brochure that weren’t too thrilling: “a small number of men (2%) experienced certain sexual side effects. These men reported the following: less desire for sex…or sexual dysfunction” I knew that being one of the “small number of men” would be a large price to pay for a full head of hair. However the odds were in my favor. There was a 98% chance I could end up a 5’ 7” hairy “babe magnet” who desires sex and functions properly.

I started losing my hair when I was 18 and it seems that as my hairline got higher, the number of women I met got lower. I don’t know the exact ratio of women I haven’t met with the number of hairs lost, but last Saturday night when I was sitting home – alone – eating Oreo cookies and watching Hamlet on A&E, it sure seemed to be a significant number. “To be or not to be: that is the question.”… Oh Please! “To Propecia or not to Propecia?”… Now that’s a question! Well, instead of risking my libido I chose to stay bald, have an okay social life and risk getting fat from Saturday night Oreo binges.

The reason I’m bringing this up is, I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and am at a stage of treatment where it is necessary to receive hormone treatments. The irony of the whole thing is that the side effects of the hormone therapy are the same as the side effects of Propecia with hot flashes thrown in – and there’s not a new hair on my head to show for it! I’m sure Propecia is still available, but who the hell wants to be a 5′ 7″ hairy “babe magnet” with hot flashes and no libido. Patrick Henry once said, “Give me liberty or give me death!” and I’m saying, “Give me Oreos if you are going to give me hot flashes!” And speaking of Oreos, there are two schools of thought on the proper way to eat an Oreo. Some Oreo eaters (myself included) just start chomping away savoring the taste of the creamy center as it mixes with the crunchy texture of the chocolate cookies. Then there are the annoying Oreo eaters who take the time to meticulously separate the two cookies exposing the creamy center, eat the exposed creamy center and save the two chocolate cookie pieces for last…give me a break! – just eat the damn cookie.

If you choose to respond to this post, no lewd comments about Sidney and me please – he’s not my type, gender preference or species.

Submitted by: Jon Weinstein

PS – Kathy and I have been friends since the mid 70’s. I have cherished that friendship and I’m honored to be the first male to post my thoughts (bizarre as they may be) on her blog.
PPS – If any of you “flashionistas” out there know of anyone struggling with prostate cancer and its side effects, feel free to have them contact me through Kathy’s blog. I have found that, as supportive and loving as family and friends can be, communicating with someone who is going through the same thing helps tremendously.

16 thoughts on “My Sex Life, Oreo Cookies and Hot Flashes

  1. Hey Jon… sorry to hear about you being sick. I know it sucks. I also have known you for about the same amount of years as Kathy… although you were always more her friend thru Sock and Buskin. What most people dont know about you is that you have the most beautiful eyes ever… Ladies… Jon has beautiful eyes. And he is also beautiful inside as well. Gentle soul you are Jon.. Hope you get to feeling better, keeping those hot flashes in check…. LOL. H

    [Reply]

  2. The honesty in your blog along with the humor make this entry truly special. A man who can be this forthright and funny deserves to be a “babe magnet”

    [Reply]

  3. Jon, you are adorable! Love the way you think and write…Adore me some Kathy Cagney! You two are lucky to have such a rich friendship! Thank you for sharing with all of us and take care Love! Thoughts for peace and healing!

    [Reply]

  4. Jon,

    I’ve known you since you had hair, and yes you have beautiful bedroom eyes. The hair may be thinner but the eyes are just as intense as they always were. I am sure the hot flashes will be gone soon and you can resume your normal (abnormal) activities.

    As far as your two choices for eating Oreos, I beg to differ. The best way to eat Oreo’s is straight out of the fridge. I keep mine there all the time. I think you should try it, it might help cool you down. I am sure you will never return to room temperature Oreos ever again. As always omna kiddia eternia.

    Be well real soon,

    GL

    [Reply]

    Joan Myers Reply:

    Jon, Loved your article and your sex friend. I take my Oreo’s apart. I guess we can never been together. You have always been that funny creative guy. I forgot the drunks name. You are in business again. Can’t wait to see you on stage with this new twist of fate turned into greatness.
    LOL my version Lot of Love
    Joan

    [Reply]

  5. Jon underestimates himself. I, too, have known him since the 70s when he already didn’t have much hair, but I still thought he was a lady killer with those gorgeous eyes. Love the post so much that I’m re-posting it on my blog, with Kathy’s permission. Maybe I’ll even get Jon to do a regular feature. Hey, what woman over 40 doesn’t want a guy who really DOES know what menopause is like?

    [Reply]

  6. Pingback: My Sex Life, Oreo Cookies and Hot Flashes | Beyond Babedom

  7. I’ll disregard parts of what I just read and simply note Jon’s understated magic in the kitchen…

    Hoping what I’ve heard about hairloss being a genetic trait from the mother’s side is true… Time has been on my side so far. Unfortunately, not all of us have the bone structure Jon does

    Great article – it’s been far too long since I’ve had a good laugh like that. Way to go Jonnoh!

    [Reply]

  8. Jon,

    We have known each other for a long time and I can remember when you were
    5′ 9′ and had hair. Your hair may be gone but your sense of humor keeps getting better with age. That explains why you became a funny bastard. Hey we have to get together soon and smoke some prescription stuff, have a laugh or two. Wow where did all those years go.

    MJR

    [Reply]

  9. I know you way too long to be fooled by all that stuff. At 3, you were the mascot for my high school football team, after all. And I know you’re really 6′ tall with a thick head of wavy dark hair and ok, drop dead gorgeous eyes. But it’s your singing that has gotten you so far. The hot flashes probably have but a damper (so to speak) on that; but think of it as time to rest from all those blonde babes and try a brunette. Love you,
    JAR

    [Reply]

  10. Awesome article! Witty and honest.
    I much rather dunk the oreos in milk, thank you very much! Give it a try, and stick the oreo with a fork so you don’t get your fingers all milky and gross.

    Hope you are feeling better! If you need anything, you can always knock on my door.

    xo
    Karen

    ps) You do have amazing eyes!

    [Reply]

  11. Jon,

    Keep writing. Keep laughing and keep making us laugh. Laughter is even better than Oreo cookies. Actually, whenever I think of you, I always picture you laughing. That’s how I remember our time together. OMG, we laughed a lot AND we were usually, totally, sober and were only laughing at you, SOME of the time 🙂
    You are a funny guy. No question. Love that about you, so give us more and keep writing. Love it!

    Now I have to get some Oreos. Thanks!
    I’ll pulling them apart btw and dunking each half into milk. They last longer that way. May even lick the cream off first…

    Sending you Love, light, hugs and laughter

    Mmmmmmmmwaaaaaaaah

    Sally Z

    [Reply]

  12. Jon, I totally think you are a chick magnet and this post makes you even better. I am with Sally. Every time I think of you, I am warmed (no hot flash pun intended) by memories and laughter. You’re the best! Love you.

    [Reply]

  13. Jon,

    Had t reread your blog and it cracks me up every time. I think you should send it off to Nabisco.. Who knows what this could start. Oreo lovers don’t need excuses to eat Oreos, but it could start a whole new blog. You could go viral without the hot flashes.

    Hope to see you soon

    Gary
    DKP

    [Reply]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *