A preface to my post:
I want to thank Kathy for giving me the forum to cure my mind with what I call “giggle therapy” as the doctors cure my body with a combination of radiation and hormone therapies. The hormone therapy is causing hot flashes as a side effect and it’s why Kathy has asked me to periodically write for her web site.
Hot Flash Awareness Day…The Lost Holiday
By Jon Weinstein
The other night I was looking through my calendar to see what I had accomplished in the past couple of months to help set my goals for the coming months and saw that luckily I had remembered my mother’s birthday on November 6th, forgot Remembrance Day on November 11th and I didn’t know that November 19th was World Toilet Day (I swear that I’m not making that up. If you don’t believe me, google it). How do you celebrate World Toilet Day anyway? Do you exchange toilet tissue and hand sanitizer? Do you send a card with a picture of a toilet on front and when you open the card written on the inside it says, “HAPPY WORLD TOILET DAY – COME POOP AT MY PLACE!”
Anyway, that started me looking through the calendar for other important events I didn’t want to miss in the coming months. I found Secretaries Day, Ground Hog Day, Boxing Day, Guadalupe Day and a myriad of other special days, but, nowhere could I find Hot Flash Awareness Day. Certain that my calendar was missing the month that contained Hot Flash Awareness Day, I counted the months contained in my calendar and much to my dismay, there were indeed 12 months. I immediately jumped in my car and drove to The Calendar Store at Monmouth Mall only to find that all of their calendars contained 12 months and none of those months recognized Hot Flash Awareness Day as a holiday. Could it be that there is no such thing as Hot Flash Awareness Day? I hope not.
If ground hogs can be honored for being afraid of their own shadows, hot flashers should at least be recognized for the odd times hot flashes occur. For example, last Wednesday I awoke to 12″ of snow and a temperature of 11 degrees. I dressed to face the weather and as I stepped out of the door I had a hot flash. Not only did the timing piss me off, it was followed by a sudden urge to don a “Speedo” bathing suit, a Jimmy Buffet style Hawaiian print shirt with colorful parrots sipping margaritas in salt rimmed glasses, then dive into the snow and make snow angels. And what makes this even more bizarre (as if the thought of a 61 year old, slightly over-weight, rather hairy man in a Speedo and unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt making snow angels isn’t bizarre enough) is I don’t even like Jimmy Buffet!
I certainly don’t want Jimmy Buffet or his “parrot-head” followers to take this little tirade of mine personally. It’s the hormone therapy. In addition to hot flashes, the hormone therapy causes mood swings. So, to make amends to Jimmy Buffet and his minions, as soon as I finish writing this, I’m going to down-load a bunch of Jimmy Buffet songs and place them on my “favorites” list……..probably not.
However, I think mood swings will be the topic of my next post. I already have an idea for it – In 1960 Paul Anka recorded an old standard, “I’m In The Mood For Love” and put it on his album entitled “Swing For Young Lovers”. This gave me the idea to title my upcoming post about mood swings, “I’m In The Mood For Love…Hate…Love…Hate…Love…Hate” and put it in a written collection called “Mood Swings For Old Men Receiving Hormone Therapy”.
To get back to the task at hand – making Hot Flash Awareness Day a national holiday. I urge all of you hot flashers out there to write or email your congressman or congresswoman asking them if they could find it in their hearts to make Hot Flash Awareness Day a recognized day of celebration. It could easily be tied into World Toilet Day because when most people have a hot flash their faces get flushed.
You non flashers out there may see Hot Flash Awareness Day as a ridiculous notion, but you have to realize that what is or isn’t ridiculous is all relative. Ten months ago the thought of me having hot flashes was ridiculous. Now it’s not so ridiculous.
The other day I saw a man with a shaved head and a full beard complete with side-burns running up along his ears. I stared at him for a moment and thought…his head looks like it’s on upside-down. Now that’s ridiculous.